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/ Readers Ask: \
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| Is it possible to kill a vampire with a gun? |
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| Vampires are a source of great irritation to the average homeowner and it is usually to one's |
| advantage to remove these pests as rapidly as possible. If a professional exterminater specializing |
| in the undead is unavailable, it is possible to handle the situation with common household items. |
| However, much of the common folklore of vanquishing the undead needs clarifying. First, driving a |
| sharpened Louisville Slugger through a vampire's heart will NOT kill it. Since it's not quite |
| alive, why would the heart be any different than puncturing it in the, for example, left buttock? |
| Stake driving should be avoided at any cost since its effect will be to terribly annoy the vampire, |
| and the last thing you want on your hands is an irate Lord of Darkness. Handguns are also a |
| definite no-no. Common sense indicates that it requires more to defeat an incarnation of evil than |
| hurling lumps of lead or silver through its body. One time-honored method is to expose the vampire |
| to the sun, sever its head (any power saw should be sufficient), fill its mouth with holy wafers |
| (vanilla wafers over which the Lord's prayer has been read will do in a pinch), immerse the head in |
| an urn filled with holy water, place the urn in consecrated lands and bury the rest of the body |
| underneath a crossroad (i.e. the intersection of Broad & Chestnut). Sure, it's a lot of work. But |
\ you'll never have to worry about those damn bats pestering the neighbors again. /
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